8 simple rules for petting my dog

(Photo by Tim Ford)

If you read this column regularly, you may have seen me casually introduce my dog ​​to the world a few weeks ago. I’m talking about a trailer that I bought to drag her around town.

If you’re not a regular reader, welcome, and allow me to blow you away when I tell you I’m the lucky companion of Bailey, a Corgi-Pitbull crossbreed who regularly steals hearts and melts faces.

I can’t stress enough how much people love this dog. I’ve had people PULLING THEIR CARS to scream in delight how cute she is (the accident wrecked three police vehicles and orphaned ten hubcaps, but it was worth it).

Bailey was able to resolve the long-standing feud between the Jets and the Sharks by simply strutting casually between their dance-fight lines. She once sniffed a flower and was startled by a bee that landed on it, and I honestly don’t know how the universe didn’t collapse into a Disney-fied star Child of Cuteness – it was just so adorable.

Bailey Pitbull Corgi(Photo by Tim Ford)

Lots of people want to stroke them, of course. I have no real objection to that. But I would like to make some basic rules.

1. Verbalize your intentions

I know when I walk my dog ​​most people will see me second, if they even see me. But that vague Ford-shaped blob in your peripheral vision prefers you to at least acknowledge its presence.

Think of it this way: do you usually just run up to people and stroke them? If so, are these consecutive prison terms beginning to decline?

Just give me a sign. A little “Can I stroke your cute doll?” That’s all I ask

2. Allow her to come to you

See she WILL come to you. Aside from being cute, Bailey is also friendly to Mr. Rogers.

She will generally accept any opening you give her and will often mistake body language for anything other than opening. This includes, but is not limited to: opening a car door, sitting on a bench, the vague sign for a taxi, stooping to take a quarter, and stumbling on the sidewalk – all of these signaled Bailey that it’s time for caresses.

So do not worry. She comes to you. But still. Give her the space to do it, okay?

3. Don’t put food in her face

I have to ask, do you find it normal to offer people whatever food you have in your pocket when you meet them? No?

Then can we please assume that doing this with a dog is also not the best idea?

Look, I know Bailey will take literally anything you offer her and that can make you feel very special. But that’s a responsibility.

It’s like you’re a Santa Claus in a mall. Every child will of course assume that Santa Claus will give them GOOD things, like candy canes or backgammon, or … I don’t know, a jew’s harp? I don’t know what children like. That is not the point.

The point is, there is a responsibility and power there and you don’t know if what you have is necessarily good for my dog. Confirm the material you have is suitable.

Bailey cute face(Photo by Tim Ford)

4. When you are with a dog, think about his feelings

Dogs are generally blessed creatures with a Zen attitude, like little cuddly Buddhas. But once they get jealous, they can turn into a Jerry Springer episode. And this time around, the use of the word “slut” is going to be very appropriate.

If you have another dog with you, think about how it might feel to praise and pet Bailey. If you need more evidence of what this might look like, revisit Grade 10 English and make sure Othello is on the curriculum.

5. Start petting

OK, so you made it behind the gates. You said “Hello” and “May I” to the Tim-shaped blur. They waited the 0.5 milliseconds it took Bailey to trust you. You kept your ziplock bag of hot dogs to yourself (thanks for the offer). And you’ve weighed the emotional wellbeing of any pets accompanying you (could also be an overly possessive ferret).

It’s time. Grab it and pet it. Take it.

Touch the love of dog.

6. When, and more likely, when she turns around, don’t betray her trust in need

You managed. It is wonderful. And now she is adding more. She shows you her stomach. Your voice reflexively forms an “AWWW”.

At this point, don’t start doing anything strange, like pulling their ears or tickling their paws. Why would you do this Do not do that.

7. Contemplate the magic of dogs while petting

You are crossing the boundaries of this earth. You reach a level of higher understanding. That is purity. That’s luck. They are dogs.

Meditate on the question: Do we deserve dogs? Does anyone do? How can we earn this privilege? Make the world pure and good for the dogs?

Dogs are love. Dogs are life.

8. Disengage

But everything has to come to an end. You will step away. Changed. Done better.

“Those were the most beautiful three minutes of my life,” you could say.

“We have been here for 20 years,” I will answer.

And you will know the word of Dog.

That’s all there is to it! See you on the paths and streets of Victoria, people!

Bailey Beach(Photo by Tim Ford)

Welcome to Ford Friday: a weekly column where Tim Ford, the Victoria Buzz employee, shares his thoughts on life, love, and the pursuit of the perfect joke.

This column is for comedic purposes only. Please feel free to send feedback, thoughts and comments [constructive] Criticism to [email protected].

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